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How Do Others Grieve?

book grieving grieving father hummingbirds journal siblings symbol Sep 05, 2020
Ashlyn's Journal

Andrew Yackuboskey published his unedited journal titled, Ashlyn’s Journal .   His entries detail the journey he took after his daughter, Ashlyn was stillborn on June 20, 2016 at 39 weeks.

In his book, his honesty assures you it is normal to have a lot of questions when you are grieving such as:

  • Did the doctors miss something
  • What is it like to return to work?
  • How do I tell my other children their sibling passed away?
  • Does the pain ever end

This book would be helpful for many people.  First, for all the mother’s who wonder if their partner is grieving, this book captures a father’s raw pain.

Andrew details how hard it is to watch his wife's sadness and suffering and the inability to give her what she wants; Ashlyn. 

The anger he feels towards the doctor who did not check on his wife three days before Ashlyn passed is real.  The chaos of our doctor’s offices and hospitals and the impersonal nature of some of our medical care today is revealed.  Andrew finds the grace to forgive the doctor he first blamed.

To all the father’s who may feel alone, you are not.  Andrew talked about:

  • Days being blurred
  • Not caring if he lived
  • Insomnia persisting nightly
  • Prioritizing sobriety over a beer because feeling is more important than numbing the pain

To all the family members, friends, co-workers, bosses, clergy, and healthcare providers who have never experienced the loss of a baby, this book reveals deep heartbreak, giving the reader an appreciation nightmare following the loss of a baby.

The book’s ending is uplifting.  Discover how hummingbirds become a symbol of Ashlyn.  Come to understand how Ashlyn taught Andrew to celebrate life, stop being a coward, and confront life’s challenges “head on.” 

Andrew sees Ashlyn as an angel he gained, not a daughter he lost.

This book may be short, but the emotional experienced evoked in the reader is deep.  I cried through much of it, identifying with Andrew’s grief.

As I return to the book to write this review, tears again fill my eyes.  We gained an angel, too.  Her name is Anna.  Without her life, Pause to Remember would not have been created to support women through their toughest emotions ever endured.  Survival is possible.

Maybe this book will shift your perspective after losing your baby.  Maybe you will feel less alone.   It is hard predict the impact. 

I recommend you fix a cup of tea, find a cozy place, put a box of tissues in arm’s reach, and read Ashlyn’s Journal.

Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or alone?

Talk to Amy for 20 minutes by scheduling a Zoom call with her.

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