Looking Back, What Would You Tell Yourself?

If you were to go back to the day you lost your baby, what would you tell yourself?

Today is September 23, 2021.  Five years ago today, I would tell myself the following:

What you resist persists.

• Sitting on the couch eating junk food while watching reality TV distracts you from what is going on inside and causes secondary insults to your mind and body.
• Ignoring, stuffing, or avoiding uncomfortable feelings will prolong your suffering.

Honor what you are feeling so you can process the pain, anger, sadness or any other uncomfortable feeling.

• There are many outlets for your feelings.
• Journaling, therapy, exercise, meditation, yoga, walks in nature, or talking with a friend can all help.
• Keep trying until you figure out what is best for you.

Let people support you.

• Take your full maternity leave.
• Let your neighbor drop off dinner.
• Thank your friend for watching your other children.
• Let your co-workers plant tulips and apple trees in your yard. 
• Accept an invitation for a girls weekend.

The one universal truth about grieving is it is unique to each individual.

• It is important to remember, your partner will have a different experience after the loss of your baby.  Sometimes arguments are more about grieving differently than they are about the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink.
• There is no right or wrong way to grieve; just your way.

You are stronger than you think. Everything you need to carry the grief for a lifetime is within you.

Say your baby's name.  It helps keep their memory alive.

Take what you have learned and share it with bereaved families.  Grieving can be a lonely place.  It helps to know you are not alone.