The Year of Firsts

child's pose grieving pigeon pose safe space year of firsts yoga Aug 28, 2020

When you think of having a baby, you dream about the first time you hold them against your chest, their first bath, first tooth, or first steps.  Imagining the first year without these milestones seems impossible…until your pregnancy has ended and your baby is gone.

I will never forget my first therapy appointment after losing our daughter, Anna.  My therapist and I started to discuss grieving.  She said the first year would be the toughest, “the year of firsts,” as she called it.

Ugh!  How was I going to handle a broken heart and tear stained cheeks for a year?

The “first” Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, and Anna’s first birthday all stand out to me as peaks in my emotional pain.

My yoga mat became my safe space letting my feelings roll out as they bubbled to the surface.  The contrast of powering through physically challenging poses with anger or frustration was contrasted with stillness as my head and body felt supported by earth.

Child’s pose was always available giving me permission to stop moving when I felt distracted, tired, or unable to breathe.  The ability to be comfortable with discomfort grew every time I honored these feelings, dropping to my mat, while everyone else in the studio continued flowing with the instructor’s cues.

As my hips opened in pigeon pose, the deep pain in my soul would consistently manifest as tears dripping onto my mat.  The release of that sorrow created a path for growth and healing.

Yoga is a moving meditation.  It is about connecting your breath and the movement of your body to build awareness. 

The next time you step onto a yoga mat, notice the four corners.  These help define a safe space for you “to be.” 

Let go of the thoughts like:

  • I cannot touch my toes.
  • I fall when trying to balance.
  • I do not know the name of the poses.

Come to your mat:

  • happy…or sad.
  • calm….or crazed.
  • joyful…or numb.

Yoga is your unique practice just as grieving is your unique journey.  See what you can discover on and off the mat.

Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or alone?

Talk to Amy for 20 minutes by scheduling a Zoom call with her.


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